Family, lifestyle, Personal, relationships

amoeba.

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

When we enter into deep relationship, we cast ourselves under somewhat of a microscope. As we cohabitate and learn the intricacies of another human and behold the runny noses and migraines and sulky moods and insecurities usually reserved for behind closed doors, we allow ourselves to become inspected.

Continue reading

Standard
lifestyle, Personal

take pause.

Life feels so utterly calm in the wake of the chaotic, mess of a world around us. I feel, for the first time in a very long time, peacefully content. I feel at ease- with myself, with my immediate surroundings, with the days as they come and as they go. Recently, I took a few small, promising personal steps toward healing and self preservation by visiting a therapist and doctor to work through some of the sharp things that creep around my edges: the anxiety, the sadness, the anger. And since I’ve faced those difficulties head on, I feel emboldened. I feel strong. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

Continue reading

Standard
lifestyle, Personal, real estate, United States, Work

Open house.

Processed with VSCOcam with a5 preset

Take one look at my planner and you’ll understand why I’d like to schedule my coffee with you two weeks in advance (three weeks if it’s dinner), why my kitchen looks the way it does (horrible), and the reason I have to hit up the gas station every few days (thank the Lord for low petrol prices).

Continue reading

Standard
Personal

Blindly.

AJ Ragasa Photography

I can’t be sure if it’s the glowing orb of a moon hanging in the sky like a bowl of gold, Barcelona radio playing in the background, skimming through my amazing nephew’s recent travel photos (Luke Mattson), or being surrounded by moving boxes again that has me feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with gratitude, overwhelmed with wonder, overwhelmed with questions, overwhelmed with histrionics, overwhelmed with my surprising ability to be so surprisingly present in the simple moment of now.

Continue reading

Standard
Cambodia, Expat, lifestyle, Personal, Phnom Penh, Travel

Sorority.

YAMS

It’s already been a month since I made my first trek to Phnom Penh and experienced this well-known yet no less easy twelve hour layover in the McDonald’s-less Incheon Airport in Korea. The last time I was here, only a mere hundred feet away from where I sit now as I finished another entry, I was crying my eyes out. It was after a long night of slamming Soju and Asahi with Yoshi and our new friend, Misato, hashing out all of our frustrations and navigating through feelings of our impending work trip. I had experienced a restless six hours in the airport hotel, I was feeling anxious and disoriented, not knowing what to expect as I went back to the country I had left so recently and simply exhausted physically and emotionally.

Continue reading

Standard
Cambodia, Expat, lifestyle, Personal, Phnom Penh, Travel, United States

Twinge.

As Mad Men comes to it’s final season, I’ve been brushing up on past episodes, remembering the times I laughed, cried, and wrung my hands at the characters who so deftly mirror us in so many ways. Pride, lust, anger, fear, love (?), self loathing, understanding- it’s all there. Just as it is in life past the television screen.

Continue reading

Standard
Cambodia, Expat, Phnom Penh, Travel, United States

Chapter x.

Rooftop sunrises in Phnom Penh

Eleven. That’s how many sets of twenty four hours I’ve been back on extraordinary Washington ground since I boarded my plane leaving Cambodia, looking back over my shoulder with tears in my eyes and anxiety battering through my chest.

Continue reading

Standard
Cambodia, Expat, lifestyle, Personal, Phnom Penh

End of the honeymoon phase.

?

We all get to this point during some time of the year (week, month, even day at times) when you feel like you’ve lost a lot, or all, interest in that around you. Well kids, here I am at that point. It’s like the honeymoon phase of a relationship is over and now it’s down to brass tacks and really deciding whether you want to be in it or not: ultimately though it’s between me and a country. Instead of champagne fueled dates and moonlit kissing it’s the showcasing of gross habits, farting in front of each other, arguing over dinner, and bickering over finances and chores phase.

Rarely do I have those blissed out moments of here I am Cambodia, you charming place you! Now take me wherever you please. It’s more like please take out the trash asshole I’m tired and bored and we aren’t having date night this week. It’s not to say that there aren’t good things happening in my life: I should be grateful, and generally I am. This week though has felt like walking through molasses or Groundhog Day where everything seems to be on repeat with little changing from the day to day- which can be a slow torturous way of life unless I either take my mind out of its current state or change my situation.

Continue reading

Standard