I wanted to share, with the permission of the sender, this email I received a few days ago after posting “Adoptee”.
I am amazed and encouraged by the bravery of this person, to not only share their story with me but to also be willing to let me release it through my blog.
I am appreciative of this beacon of support, not only in my feelings but also in sharing them through my writing, and it made the world feel much smaller, closer, and in many ways-more human than it’s been feeling as I continue to read the news. It’s funny how the internet can do that, when you very least expect it. Now, the next time I feel the weight of fear, of questioning, or of doubt-I will think of this reader, who in their beautiful words affected me just as much as my post reached them.
*name changed for privacy
Few months ago I was googling for comments on the Chuck Norris Dim Sum and I ended on your blog and started following it. I like a lot your writing and I admire how you are not afraid to share real stories and emotions. I find it a sign of courage and self awareness.
– I am sorry if it’s a long email, but I hope you will have the patience to get to the end. –
The reason why I decided to write you is because I was really touched by your recent post on abandonment. I have not been adopted, my parents are not divorced and I have the luck to have grown in a family that loved me and always pushed me to explore the world and make my own choices. That’s how I ended up leaving home when I was 16 to move to Asia, til I got to Phnom Penh 2 years ago. It was always my choice, never easy, but I never felt I was having abandonment issues, until few weeks ago.
Soon after I arrived in Phnom Penh I fell in love (quite typical eh!?). We have spent every moment of these two years together, and made future plans together. Just at the time that future was about to become our present he decided he was not ready. And so here I was on a plane heading home, leaving behind everything that my life had been for those last years.
Trying to process this pain, I found myself reading books on how to deal with grief and most of them told me that “if you are having such a hard time leaving someone behind probably you have old losses that you have not dealt with”. And so I started digging and it was like a Pandora’s box. Losses and emotions, I thought I had come to peace with, that were now hunting me.
Friends lost due to sicknesses, a recent loss of family members in an accident, the loss when you have to say goodbye to your love, to friends, habits, cities, countries. When it happened, in some cases, my reaction was shock, rejection. How can you accept that people that mean the world to you are just gone in a second? And so I found myself reacting in all sort of ways. Sometimes trying to be strong, not shedding tears, sometimes avoiding the actual goodbye.
This time though, I decided to face it all. Instead of closing everything in a closet, I decided to start a journey to get to know me.
And I decided to deal with all this guilt for the times when I reacted badly to those losses because I was to fragile to handle it.
I am not sure what is the conclusion of this email, if there is any. I just felt very moved by your post and thought that your honesty deserved a real answer. I think it takes a lot of courage to undertake these kind of self discoveries and it’s definitely not the easy path. But, when we get on the other side we will be one step closer to being the person that we want to be. So I wish you all the best on your journey.
And have a Chuck Norris Dim Sum for me…i miss them a lot!