It might be the change of scenery at home, the end of another month writing what seems like the millionth article about suede booties, a bit of stress about going home for a visit in September and organizing it all-but I feel like I’ve hit a creative wall, or you know “writer’s block”. Except it’s not necessarily writer’s block, obviously- I’m still writing something, whether it’s good or not and I keep putting together pieces but I feel at the moment like my passion is dwindling. Is the return just too little?
While I overall enjoy where I work and find almost every day to be a learning process, there definitely are pieces of the puzzle that just aren’t there and I’m not quite sure where to look for them. I want something further than I think may be available: during this time-within the parameters I’m in- or I may just be feeling dramatic.
It seems I’m a working paradox: I like the messiness of the creative side of things and seeing a finished product when it looks the way I had envisioned, but also find the rigidity of schedule and set timelines, deadlines, and specific contracts and dates to look forward to to be vastly important. I thrive with set projects and deadlines. While I find that I generally dislike super-corporate settings, there are boundaries within those sort of companies that ensure that I can find some piece of paper in a guidebook, point to it, and know I’ve got my assets covered. There’s also this magical thing called HR, love it or hate it-it’s helpful at times and you know it.
I feel around me a swirling mixture of blooming talent, dedicated force and will, hopeful naivete, seasoned wisdom, and utter complacency-it will be interesting to see where the projects I’m working on will turn, what path they will follow.
When work and production is something so important to me during this time of my life in particular, it feels especially destructive internally to feel a lack of propulsion in one direction or another. I hope that with new voices, opinions, and viewpoints I’ll get shocked back into the game. I suppose after seven months (I know it doesn’t sound like long) of working semi-solely with specific processes anyone would start to feel this way, I look forward to welcoming new blood onto the team.
What do you do when you sense blasé starting to creep over your every day work? I’d love to hear from you.