If you’ve read any of my past entries or posts, you may have noticed they’re rife with nostalgic musings.
What they may not reveal is the absolute terror that sometimes comes when thinking of the future. Usually, I get stuck in this haze of memories from what’s already happened- but once in a while a jolt of “WHAT AM I GOING TO DO” will hit when I think of my impending home (what country, even?!), children, a career. Basically the rest of my life.
I talk to a lot of expats and friends about this regularly, some here in Cambodia and others back in the States. About what we miss from home, who we think of the most, what are our future plans.
However, a piece of advice someone wise constantly gives me is “LIVE TODAY. LIVE RIGHT NOW.” And while I forget to do that almost 90 percent of the time, the 10 percent that I do- I am grateful for it.
Maybe next time my thoughts wander into the unknown or zoom into moments from the past, I will remember to hit pause. Then live right now.
post note: I know that the task of living completely in the moment will be, for me, impossible. So continue to expect melancholic reveries from days past, the faces I forget the details of, the unease of what is to come, and hell- even the worries of being smack dab in the middle of whatever I’m in. Sometimes you do also need a little grief bath.